I allow so much time to slip by. I question my intentions. Do I really want to do what I say I want? Or shall I say the things I want to be able to do. Things. Perhaps wanting too many…things is the problem. I have to admit; I lack motivation. What kind of creative person do I think I am if it’s so difficult to find it?. I allow too many distractions.
But I think my problem is grave. Procrastination is severe in my case. I never catch myself doing lazy things. Always things that open my mind. That I learn from. That seem productive. But they don’t move forward from that point A to point B where all the work is
Though it’s easy to blame my attention deficit disorder. And I know there must be accountability. My living with this deficit, takes my mind on a whirlwind of distractions discombobulated from a sane world. It’s like my senses are always absorbing everything around me. Unable to focus in on one thing.
A orgy of sensory stimulation….
Until I land on full hyper focus mode. Stimulating and Instant reward. But still unproductive.
Creativity is not a result from a knack of a natural flowing well of inspiration It’s something needs to be cultivated by diligently and deliberately coerced into existence.